Financials...What to Do

Divorces, to the state, are mostly about property and money.  During a time of stress like a divorce, money is usually the last thing we want to think about, but it is very important to protect yourself and your child(ren) as best you can.

Keep in mind for the financials that child support is treated separately from any spousal support or financial settlements in the divorce and that the judge is required by law to always put the needs of the child(ren) first.  Both sides must be able to provide for the child(ren), but that does not mean that a parent who has been a stay-at-home parent does not have a chance at custody. It just means that the SAHP must get a job, and any spousal support is usually factored in to child support negotiations as well.

This is the time to protect yourself financially.  If you have been used to letting your STBX deal with all the money issues in the marriage, you need to get the account details and passwords as soon as possible.  Once a filing for divorce has been entered, neither party is allowed to shut the other out financially, but it happens.  The sooner you can get the information, the better.

In your notebook, make a page for every bank account, credit card, property item of worth, and retirement account information.  You need account numbers and passwords.  Once you get access, print out statements for as close to the filing date as you can to show where things are in the marriage financially at the filing.  Keep those in your expandable file.  Also, get the last five years or so of tax filings.  You will need them, especially the Social Security numbers of your STBX and child(ren).  Secure any copies of birth certificates, a copy of the marriage certificate, any previous divorce decrees, and your passport (if you have one).  Keep those in your file or in a security box at your bank.

If you suspect any infidelity, it is possible that evidence of that could show up in the financials.  Go through the last year of your joint accounts, looking for any deposits and/or withdrawals that don't make sense.  Highlight those, and talk them over with your lawyer.

If you can get a copy of your STBX's work contract, do so.  It will help you and your lawyer get an idea of child support, along with the previous year's taxes.  You will need a copy of your own as well.  If your STBX has not been working, then you need copies of that person's transcripts to show what kind of work he/she is capable of as well as any evidence of volunteering, previous jobs, under the table pay, etc.

Starting from now on, you will need to track what you spend on your child(ren), and the easiest way is to keep every receipt and highlight on it what you spent on your child(ren).  Keep the receipts in a separate monthly file folder with a ledger for all of your expenses (rent/mortgage payment, utilities, medical expenses, etc.), and at the end of every month, fill out a page in the ledger tallying up what you spent on the child(ren).  Especially do this for any medical costs, as those are usually considered separate from child support and are important to track.

Once you have the joint account information documented, keep an eye on it, but more importantly, if you haven't, open up your own separate accounts in your name as soon as you can after the filing.  If you get any money from the STBX for support, put it in that separate account, and document it.  

If you can, the two of you need to come up with a plan on how to pay off any debts before the divorce is final without looting retirement accounts or big savings accounts.  The less debt you have going into mediation, the better off both sides will be.  That said, if you cannot agree, then abide by the usual mediation rule of not touching any accounts other than to make minimum payments, and take current copies of all statements to mediation.

Side note: In most states, it is illegal for either party to take the STBX off the medical insurance or to liquidate retirement accounts or major assets.  Should that happen to you, document everything, and make sure your lawyer protects you as best as possible.

Rule #3: It's just business.  Protect yourself and your kid(s) financially as best you can.