So, It's Come to This...
So you have both decided that it's time to end the relationship, but you have kids involved, so it's even more complicated than usual. You're trying not to be emotional, especially in front of the kids, or maybe you're calm because it's finally settled. Either way, now you are starting the process of divorce and wondering what on earth to do.
Most divorces are mostly amicable. The two parties argue, work out who gets what, figure out the best parenting time schedule for the kids, split custody, and move on with their lives. Then there are the ones that end up in court. Ones like mine with my ex. The ones lawyers talk about when they get together about how crazy that case is. In reality, it's best to prepare for court, just in case, instead of getting blindsided and then scrambling to prepare.
The first thing to keep in mind is the oxygen mask metaphor. When flying on an airplane, the stewards tell us to put our own oxygen masks on first, even before putting ones on our kids. The reason being, we won't be worth anything to anyone if we can't breathe. During this transition, take care of yourself. It is tempting to get caught up in the drama, to sink ourselves into our kids or our work, but what you need is a good therapist and a plan for some personal therapy every week. Figure out what de-stresses you the best that is safe and legal (no, lots of alcohol doesn't count because it's not safe for your liver or your kids), and put whatever time and money you can into that. Therapy, too, if just for having a safe venting place for all the drama and a place to learn how not to do any of this again.
Rule #1: Put your oxygen mask on. It's going to be bumpy for a bit.
Most divorces are mostly amicable. The two parties argue, work out who gets what, figure out the best parenting time schedule for the kids, split custody, and move on with their lives. Then there are the ones that end up in court. Ones like mine with my ex. The ones lawyers talk about when they get together about how crazy that case is. In reality, it's best to prepare for court, just in case, instead of getting blindsided and then scrambling to prepare.
The first thing to keep in mind is the oxygen mask metaphor. When flying on an airplane, the stewards tell us to put our own oxygen masks on first, even before putting ones on our kids. The reason being, we won't be worth anything to anyone if we can't breathe. During this transition, take care of yourself. It is tempting to get caught up in the drama, to sink ourselves into our kids or our work, but what you need is a good therapist and a plan for some personal therapy every week. Figure out what de-stresses you the best that is safe and legal (no, lots of alcohol doesn't count because it's not safe for your liver or your kids), and put whatever time and money you can into that. Therapy, too, if just for having a safe venting place for all the drama and a place to learn how not to do any of this again.
Rule #1: Put your oxygen mask on. It's going to be bumpy for a bit.
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